based on a true story....

...struggling to keep my eyes open.  "stay awake and you'll make it" is the only thing that keeps running through my head.  having been rudely awakened and compelled to walk the 10 minute journey between this cold, cement room and my cot, I keep telling myself that this has to end sometime... doesn't it?... please God DOESN'T IT?... cramped in this cold room cornered, with my back to the cinder block wall... the man in charge strides in, leaving the door open for the sole purpose of showing us the freedom beyond these walls... it is so close.. yet so far away... it is a cruel sight.  as bright, flourescent lights do battle with my sleep deprived eyes i notice mark and scratches carved into the wall to my right, names and dates left by countless others in my present position.  as i dig my pen into the paint on the wall the man in charge calls my name.  this is it.  my time's run out.  i have but one warning for whoever might read this... DON'T TAKE THEOLOGY 201 AT 7:50 IN THE MORNING!!!

Currently Listening Strong Tower By Kutless draw me close see related

soooo... today is easter sunday... happy easter everybody... its definitely been a different easter than i've ever been used too... i slept through the sunrise service.. then realized that there was no morning service for campus church.. soo i ended up getting up around noon sometime.. not gonna lie.. def feels weird.. and im not sure if thats a good thing.. anyways.. im going to church tonight.. hopefully it'll be good... the communion service on wednesday was amazing.. i'm so glad i went.. God moved like none other... and i was basically speechless afterwards... i didn't want to leave the front.. people were dancing and singing and it didn't matter who heard or saw them.. they were just praising God with everything they had.. it was so uplifting.. i really needed it.. hopefully its a sign of things to come.. i think it would be awesome to end this semester on the spiritual up-swing... just about the time when everyone is beginning to drag.. and just wants the summer to come..

lately i've been noticing that i've been saying, either out loud or to myself, that i hope church is good today or i hope that God moves.. in fact i said it a few lines up.. but God's just been telling me in the last day or so that church can always be good if i have the attitude and perspective.. if i dont come only to get my spiritual needs met.. but more than that to give myself and everything i have to God... to lay it all down in worship... and then let Him speak to me... it's not about whether or not God decides that He wants to move one service and then not the other.. He's always moving.. He's always present... the burden is not on God... the burden is on me (us).. are we truly wanting a touch from God?... and not just the touch that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.. are we willing to be completely consumed by God... to focus on Him and no one else.. to have him touch us and cleanse us?  there's so many times that when i think about it.. down deep i realize that i am not living as if i really want all of God.. or like i really want God to have all of me... there are so many other things that grab my attention.. friends, girls, my future, music, being well-liked... all of these are major obstacles to my walk with God..  it is my responsibility first to give these things over to God and then to trust that He will push them aside and put them in their place, no matter how awkward, uncomfortable, or painful it turns out being...  i truly do want God to have all of me.. i everything i do and say to be about God.. i want to live by george whitefield's words when he said, "God forbid that I should travel with anyone a quarter of an hour without speaking to them about Christ..."  i love leading worship and playing my guitar and singing.. but the other day after i tried out for the YouthQuest praise band, i felt ashamed... i felt like i had no right to even audition for a worship band... i am in no position to lead worship.. until my life is completely under the authority of Christ...  

anyways.. thats been a lot of what i've been thinking about for the last few days or so... i hope ya'll had a great easter.. thank you Jesus for everything You did so that i dont have to live in sin... You never cease to amaze me.. i love You so much..

"who am i? it mocks me, this lonely probing of mine. whoever i am, thou knowest me; O God, i am thine!"

charade

the sun is rising

the day has just begun

which lie will i wear today?

which fasade is the one?

its so much easier

to hide behind this mask

to either blame it for my problems

or in its glory bask

but i'm sick of what it's done to me

only made me weak and scared

so tonight i choose to live only

with my heart and soul laid bare

i'm done playing these games

i'm through

with all of these charades

there's nothing else that i can do

i surrender all to You

and humbly say "i'm Yours"

i've played this game before

i know all of the moves

i know when i should raise my hands

it's like there's something i've got to prove

it's so pathetic

when i claim to be a man

cuz i choose to sit behind this mask

rather than bare my face and stand

and i'm sick of what its done to me

only made me weak and scared

so tonight i choose to live only

with my heart and soul laid bare...